Monday, February 1, 2010

Of Ye Olde Orbbe offe Occulus' User Manualle

Ye Olde Orbbe offe Occulus hast been releasedde uponne and I shalt bestow upon thee thine user operatinge manualle, quilled in the sterling, originale formatte of Ye Olde Butchered Englishe.

The Orbbe offe Occulus be a usefulle toole in capturing thine firstte imagges and vid-e-oes.

A small orbbe, as thine name wouldde suggestte, it measures approximateley one foot across with a trio of viewing circles. These circles are positioned according to the primary compasse positionnes. All but Southe.

A greatte degree of controlle is allowedde by thine orbbe, giving thine controlles to heightenne or lowerre the viewe, move in all compasse directionnes and rotatte.

Images are aligned using mirrors held aloft by balloones and propelled by dwarvishe rockettes. Hence the clunky and sudden movement. The image is capturedde by the orbbe fairy who makes its living in the orbbe.

There be two optionnes when deciding on viewe.

The Aimme Modus allows you free movementte in a straight linne, likke the flighte of a avianne.

The Focusse Modus works in a greatte curvve and a circular motionne, like that of a theorized 'planettary orbitte' created by crackpottes who are ignorantte enough to believe the world is circular.

The world is clearly a flatte plane, constantly expanded by Jag- OW!


Now that we have, as the new agey 'teenes' would say, nailed the basics, we may carrye forthe to thine photographying.

For this manualle, we shalt use the humble towne of Lumbridge.

First offe, the Lumbridge Castellen.

The Castellen is a fyne buildingge. A fyne buildingge is best capturedde fromme the frontte.

Attempt to centre thine Orbbe's viewe on the invitingge doores.

Make an efforte to capturre the road leading up to itte and any relevantte objecttes of interestte above.

Centre your buildingge unless there is something suitably impressive to the one sidde that woulde warrante the bias, like an unclaimed Dragonfire Shield or and unclaimed Scantily Clad Meganne Foxxe.

Ensure symmetrysy. Buildingges are straightfowardde creationnes and demande perfect alignmentte.

On to the subjectte of peoples in thine imagge.

Picturedde here, is Ye Very Olde Lumbridge Guidde.

Notice how we the main body is centrered arounde him and his little stande.

It is importante to capturre any pointtes of intereste or eliminatte them entirely.

For instance, some trees were behind the shotte, that could notte fitte into the shotte and had to be cutte from the shotte. Do not have incomplette objecttes in thine shotte.

The backgroundde here is also of notte. We could not get rid of the gloome and doome in the back so we incorporate it into the shotte, using the stark barren landscappe as a contraste to the brightnesse in of the Guidde.

Seen here, is a Lute Hero and...some maddemanne on a soappeboxxe.


This imagge capturres motionne better than any other seen thus far.

With the maddemanne raising his arms and sticke to preache moare about some or other jabberwockey and the Lute Hero heroing his lute, it capturres the essence of motionne.

This imagge also showwes two figurres in the same imagge, both going about their wayyes.

Another issue here, is our previous lessone: Incorporationne.

If we moved the Orbbe around and tried to eliminate the backgroundde, the Leet Lutist wouldde have been obscurrede by native foliagge.

That cabbage and sette of goblinne bones in the backgroundde really screweth the shotte over in a multitudde of wayyes.

Finally, cramming all of the above into a single, tight space!

Observve: The Lumbridge Schoole for Aspiringge Adventurerres and Loste Drunkes.

Or, the LSAALD.

1. Our shotte is centrered.

2. Our subjects are in mottionne.

3. Our backgroundde fitteth the scene.

4. Nothingge importantte is obscuredde.

5. We give a fine glancingge shotte of sheeppe's posterior, for those with such tastes.

Thank you for reading this manualle. This manualle is only a starter on the queste for the perfectte shotte.

You know oweth me 52gp. The council doth no payeth me for myne work. Jerkasses.

Regards, Boombaye1

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